July 2011
20 posts
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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
So if Part 1 was growing maturity, Part 2 was like the last week before you and your high school girlfriend both go off to your respective colleges. When you got into different schools months ago, you knew this time would come. For years you had been sweethearts but part of growing up is learning to say goodbye. It’s a bittersweet feeling, you don’t want it to end. You’re both...
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Hanna
If you have ever met (or been) a home schooled child, you may have noticed that there is a communication disconnect with the rest of the world. The years of cloistered living though having its benefits; better education, absence of peer pressure, etc. But there is a lack of social education that no parent could provide. Hanna was that girl who was home schooled until she was sent off to college,...
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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows was like the little sister of friend you hadn’t seen in years. Fond memories associated with youthful innocence are recalled before meeting her again. Seeing her, you are struck by how much she has… grown. There are still the same charms you remember her having when playing those childhood games but they have been adapted into this new woman. The ...
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More Art Deco please.
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This film really had the best movie posters.
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Black Swan
I’ve talked about dating art school girls before. They can be pretentious, grating, and are rarely worth the effort. Black Swan is the girl that makes it all worth it. The pieces she produces guarantees her future fame. You lose words while viewing her work. But like any great artist, her neurosis fuels her brilliance. Yet so overpowering is her genius, her physiological flaws become...
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Best part of the movie.
Nostalgia!
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That neon font looks awesome in Asian languages.
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Tron: Legacy
I have never been a fan of the 80s. The fashion, the music, the style; all have an unappealing veneer. Tron: Legacy made me rethink my prejudice. As part of an 80s tribute band, her combined lampooning and nostalgia for the decade made her preoccupation infectious. The band’s technological twisted remixing of the era’s classics was enthralling. I was astonished to find my foot...
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Rango
Rango would never be considered a typical beauty. I think her unique look is what kept her from being popular. It’s a shame, not only did I grow fond of her unconventional appearance but she backs it up with a clever mincing of words at every opportunity. Her dabbling in surrealism only adds another dimension to her allure. She’s the kind of woman everyone should appreciate but few...
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Not exactly sure why they circulated 2 nearly identical posters. Can you spot the differences?
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With Santi Millán as Paul!
Can we all make a more conscious effort to bring back Art Deco?
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Paul
Paul was very similar to my last date. Both were all about movie nostalgia. Both like rewatching the same movies over and over. The difference was Paul was more about enjoying the fact that you’re rewatching a loved movie than watching a movie you love again. During the movie she’d mouth the iconic lines with perfect timing, make jokes, and list off esoteric trivia. Admittedly...
June 2011
25 posts
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Super 8
Super 8 was like dating someone who likes to watch the same movies over and over again whenever you visit. Yeah, they’re good movies and it’s entertaining at first, but the familiarity can be a bit boring. She likes to stay in her safe bubble of comfort and won’t venture to anything new. She also refuses to turn the lamp right next to the couch off so there’s always this...
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Everything seems better when surrounded by French. Though I think some of the film’s gratuitous side boob in the poster would have helped the foreign sales in their country.
Sweden didn’t even bother telling the title…
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Sometimes it seems like Russian is less of a different alphabet and more an attempt to cheat at scrabble.
Papyrus looks better in Chinese.
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Avatar
The music at the club is reverberating your very bones. The lasers and strobe lights would spell doom for an epileptic. The air is thick with sweat and alcohol. You see Avatar from across the ocean of people. She looks gorgeous. You slip through the throng and start dancing with her. Her moves are so generic, you can’t tell if she is actually dancing or if it’s parody. You yell over...
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Israel decided to downplay the Holocaust aspect in their marketing.
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X-Men: First Class
The X-Men franchise was a relationship that started out great. She was heartfelt, concerned about political issues, and knew when it was time for action and when to be serious. I really thought we had something special. However, things turned sour. She began obsessing over her looks rather than substance. I suspect around the end it was more about financial dependency than love. Now she’s...
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Youth in Revolt
So let’s see. I’m a comic and film nerd. I preach environmentalism and then throw my cigarette butt on the ground. I talk about my travels abroad and spout philosophical quandaries while drinking cheap beer. Youth in Revolt made me come to terms with the fact that I am a hipster. I resisted for years. As you may know, there’s nothing a hipster hates more than being...
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Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D
I’m embarrassed to even say I went out with Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D. It was a favor to a friend who needed someone to tag along on a double date. I wasn’t expecting much and I feel like I received even less. I was bored with her and she obviously didn’t give a crap about being engaging in any way except occasionally flicking some food at my face in a kind of faux...
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Kick-Ass
Kick-Ass is my lovely comic nerd. She eagerly joins me on my weekly outings to the comic shop to peruse through the colorful issues adorning the walls. We get in debates about who can win a drinking contest: Hulk or Wolverine. She has the patience of a saint as I flip through ancient back issues to find the missing monthlies I’ve sought for years like a media archeologist. Expanding each...
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127 Hours
127 Hours was like a date with an adrenaline junkie. I knew the story before seeing the movie so watching the bulk of it was like a date involving a skydive. Your heart beats faster and faster as you prepare for the jump. You’re taught how the equipment works and told what to do in case of an emergency. You board the plane, take off, suddenly those doors are open, and then...
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The King's Speech
The King’s Speech was a perfect lady. Her eloquence, her manner’s, her style, everything was polished just the way it should be. Unfortunately for me, I found her a bit too proper. I just couldn’t connect with her despite all her becoming qualities. The things she talked about just couldn’t hold my interest. Her concerns just seemed trivial to me in comparison to other...
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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Going out with Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was being with a girl with severe ADHD who refuses to medicate herself. Jumping from topic to topic, her train of thought is always running a station faster than you can keep up with. But what you do pick up is so entertaining, you don’t care about being left in the dust. She’s the kind of girl who has an uncountable number of tabs when...
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Atonement
Atonement was a women recommended to me by everyone. “Oh, you’ll love her! She’s gorgeous!” they insisted. Finally meeting, I notice she has a nervous tick that could be considered cute by some but annoys me. It’s distracting and a bit irritating. She stops mid conversation and checks on her makeup every few minutes, obsessing with her aesthetic to the point of drawing attention to it. Yes,...
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True Grit
True Grit looked really good from afar but plain up close. There’s nothing wrong with a plain woman, especially one with her wit. Her western drawl was very sexy. She came from good parents and had a lot of potential. I went out with her and it was everything I imagined it would be. She made me laugh. She made me excited. But something just didn’t seem right though. Our night together was...
May 2011
13 posts
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Clash of the Titans (2010)
Clash of the Titans was like getting smashed at a costume party. Judgement and reason are ejected along with your last few drinks into the toilet. You forget where you are, who you are, and most importantly, who everyone else is. You start associating the costumes adorned as the personae they intend to represent. You high five Batman, throw your arm around the Dude, and glare at...
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Easy A
Easy A was a pleasant surprise. Women of her genre (teen comedies) tend to be a vacant lot like a habitual stoner. There’s nothing wrong with stoners, they have their place and amusement. You just never expect them to really be capable of wit and charm. Easy A was a welcome exception in so many ways. Her words and actions were all carefully chosen showing a cognizance and awareness the...
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Toy Story 3
When I pitched this idea to my friends, they cringed at the idea of using the format I chose to review Toy Story 3 with the obvious fear of it becoming pedophiliac. The thing about a movie like this is that although the target audience is children, it’s not solely devoted to them much like a delightful elementary school teacher. Though her work is child focused, there’s nothing...
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Fogetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall was the exact opposite kind of experience compared to my last date. Instead of a thoughtful recollection of past relationships, she was all reaction. She would not stop going on about how she was wronged. It was daunting and I lost all sympathy for her. Instead of looking back on the human mistakes she made which could have lead to her breakups, she would go off on her...
